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"We are the weirdos, mister"

I feel that’s a good subject line for this week’s blog post. Because from the outside looking

in, if I were to tell someone about my last week, they’d likely think I was a bit weird & crazy.

So, if you’re reading this, you're the perfect person to tell!


What the hell happened that’s so crazy? Ever heard of something called ‘dark night of the soul’?See, for the last decade I’ve been preparing to launch this music project. Spending most of my time listening, learning, practicing. Uncertain of the outcome, but going for it anyway. No matter what….


And it all kinda caught up with me last week.


Now that I’m on the other side (again) I feel I have the authority to write about it, and see if it resonates with anyone. Maybe you can relate...


Ok, so what the hell happened?:


I recently decided to completely give up on my secondary ambition of running a social media marketing agency while building my musical catalogue. Because almost everything turns out

to take longer and be harder than it initially seems…. Couldn’t do it anymore. Plus, me working to build a social media marketing agency was strictly all about

the money.


Meaning, my passion does NOT lie there.


Synth.. is my passion.

Singing.. is my passion.

Creating vibe.. my passion.


So, I decided “I HAVE to go all in on my music. That’s it!” I gave up on the thing I thought was

gonna allow me to buy my first house…For music.


As I sat on my couch, making that decision last week I felt a chill of uber-liberation coarse thru my body…Followed by an immediate clutch of fear.


See, I did what I had to do. But at the same time I gave up my sense of security. And it scared the shit outta me! No sooner than I made that, for me, monumental decision to continue

delivering food, living at mom’s, and put all my eggs (sperm, lol) into my music basket,

that I fell into a paranoid panic. Sort of a depression, I guess.


Or, a Dark Night of The Soul.


I spent 5 days in heavy & intense uncertainty & mental chaos. I had headaches. Muscle aches.

I “slept” for 17 hours on Sunday.…Not really slept though. More like tossed and turned in bed wallowing in pain & suffering. With visions of failure, death, homelessness, and letting everyone who’s ever known me down.


All because I was battling demons within.


Voices that told me I needed to serve someone else’s business if I wanted a real shot of my own life by design. But I didn’t fully trust my own skills. And making that big decision of letting

go my “money making” biz idea revealed that fact. And the ensuing fear sent me spiraling

into an inactive desperation and panic.


My girlfriend said she needed a break from me, and I get that.


I was saying some pretty crazy things as I allowed the voices in my head to express themselves.

I’ll spare you the ridiculousness. (maybe another time, lol)


So, to wrap this up… After “sleeping” my life away on Sunday, and landing a second delivery gig (yes, that happened on Tuesday! yay!!)


…I feel a lot better and have TWO new

songs about to be finished.


One a cover, and one original. The cover is a Billy Joel tune… outfitted with full on sticky #darksynth tones. The other, a mid tempo juicy sludge-fest of my experience going thru this

#DarkNightoftheSoul.. complete with a scorching #guitarsolo by a talented

player named Carlos Timaure.


I can’t wait to put em out for you to chill & vibe to!


Thanks for reading… I sincerely appreciate your interest in my journey.


Stay tuned for TONS of new music & other goodies!!


TTFN,

COLIN CAYVZ



PS: comment below and tell me about your own dark night of the soul, if you’ve had one.…or with any cover song suggestions!

Last Sunday as I was laying in bed, trembling in pain and fear. Intense experience...


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